Why Your Team Thinks, Feels, and Acts So Differently
March 19, 2025
I sat in my 4Runner in the parking garage, scrolling through my first team survey results as a manager. I had expected some areas to improve on, but one word in the comments rose to the surface and stayed there:
“Aloof”
I wasn’t sure how to process it. I cared deeply about my team. How could they not see that? I felt misunderstood and, if I’m honest, like I wasn’t good enough.
At the time, I didn’t have the language to make sense of it. But now, I see it through the lens of the Enneagram.
My natural tendency is to lead with my heart—deep emotions, personal meaning, a desire for authenticity. But some of the team were looking for something else: more outward engagement and structured communication.
That disconnect—between how we experience the world ourselves and how others do—shows up in leadership all the time.
The Three Centers of Intelligence
At its core, the Enneagram divides human intelligence into three centers:
- Head (Thinking) – Logic-driven, future-oriented, seeks security and understanding
- Heart (Feeling) – Emotion-driven, relational, seeks validation and connection
- Gut (Instinctive) – Action-driven, decisive, seeks autonomy and control
Every person leans on one center more than the others, and we all suppress one as well. That imbalance can impact how we process feedback, handle stress, and approach challenges.
Why This Matters in Hospitality Leadership
When you understand how someone processes the world, you can lead them more effectively. Here’s how:
- Head typesneed clarity, logic, and reassurance before making a move. If they seem hesitant, they may be overanalyzing. Instead of pushing them to “just act,” try asking: “What additional information would help you feel more confident?”
- Heart types need emotional buy-in before committing. If they seem disengaged, they may not feel valued. Instead of assuming they lack motivation, try asking: “How does this align with what matters to you?”
- Gut types trust their instincts and value control. If they resist direction, they may feel constrained. Instead of micromanaging, try asking: “What do you think is the best way to move forward?”
Head types -“What additional information would help you feel more confident?”
Heart types -“How does this align with what matters to you?”
Gut types -“What do you think is the best way to move forward?”
Bringing it Back to Leadership
A great leader doesn’t just tell people what to do—they help people see their own path forward. When you recognize someone’s dominant intelligence center and ask the right questions, you’re not just managing them; you’re unlocking their potential.
What About You?
Do you tend to process decisions through your head, heart, or gut?
- Think about someone on your team who frustrates you. Could it be that they’re filtering the world differently than you?
- How can you adjust your leadership approach to meet people where they are?
Hit reply and let me know your thoughts—I’d love to hear your perspective.
Take care,
Josh