Josh Ramsey

The Principle That Ben Franklin Couldn't Master

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

In the late 1720s, Benjamin Franklin sat down by candlelight and opened a small leather book. He was 20 years old, recently married, and already a successful printer in Philadelphia. By any measure, his life was going well.

But Franklin had a problem.

Despite his success, he was making enemies. He loved to win every debate.

Franklin realized he was rubbing people the wrong way, and it was holding him back. So he decided to reform his character through what he called a “bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection.”

He created a list of twelve virtues he wanted to live out: temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, and chastity.

Each virtue came with a specific and personal definition.

His plan was to focus on one virtue a week, cycling through all twelve every three months. He kept a small book where he marked his failures each day, working to minimize the marks over time.

After working on it a while, Franklin shared his list with a Quaker friend.

“Ben… you need to add a thirteenth virtue,” his friend said. “Humility.”

Franklin was surprised by this harsh feedback, and he added humility to his list as a thirteenth virtue.

Principles as Decided Automatic Behaviors

Think of principles as pre-decided decisions. Instead of burning mental energy re-evaluating the same choices over and over, you create rules that handle them automatically.

Here are a few of mine:

Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. This saves me from taking other people’s behavior personally and prevents me from wasting energy on judgment.

Don’t make big decisions when you’re hungry or sleep-deprived. This principle protects me from poor judgment during compromised states.

Pause before acting. This creates space between impulse and response, allowing me to choose my reaction rather than just react automatically.

These aren’t grand philosophical statements. They’re practical tokens that help me remember what I value and how I want to operate.

Values vs. Principles

Values are the deeper guideposts—authenticity, growth, service, family. They’re the fundamental things you care about.

Principles are the operational rules that help you live those values in daily decisions. They’re the smaller, memorable tokens that keep you aligned when circumstances get complex or pressured.

If you value family above everything else, your principle might be: “I drop anything for my family and close friends.” No deliberation needed when they call.

If you value focus and deep work, your principle might be: “No phone notifications during creative time.” The principle protects the value automatically.

The Universal Wisdom Connection

Some principles come from observing patterns in physics, thermodynamics, or other systems at work. The principle “energy follows attention” applies whether you’re managing a team, building a business, or developing personal habits.

Others emerge from wisdom traditions—the idea that principles should be simple, memorable, and actionable has guided everyone from Boy Scouts to Alcoholics Anonymous.

At work, we have principles like “Don’t create triangles—give feedback directly to the person” and “Leave the room better than you found it.” These aren’t just nice sayings; they’re operational rules that prevent dysfunction and guide behavior when things get complicated.

Making Your Principles Yours

This week, notice the recurring decisions that drain your energy or lead to outcomes you don’t want.

What automatic behaviors are you already living by, even if you haven’t named them?

What values do you hold that could be translated into simple, actionable rules?

The key is making sure they’re genuinely yours—emerging from your own experience and values rather than borrowed from what you think you should believe.

Years later, reflecting on his virtue project in his autobiography, Franklin admitted something: he had succeeded at his first twelve virtues but completely failed at the thirteenth.

Because humility wasn’t really his principle—it was someone else’s suggestion. He had tried to adopt a virtue he didn’t genuinely value, one that didn’t emerge from his own understanding of who he wanted to be.

Your principles need to be compatible with who you actually are and who you’re genuinely trying to become. They should feel like natural extensions of your values, not foreign impositions you’re forcing yourself to follow.

When principles are authentically yours, following them doesn’t require willpower. They become automatic behaviors that make decision-making easier, not harder.

Take care,

Josh

The Janitor Who Was Saving Lives

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Amy Wrzesniewski, a researcher at Yale, studied something puzzling: why do some people love their jobs while others in the exact same role feel miserable?

So she studied janitors at a hospital.

Same job description. Same tasks. Same pay. Same working conditions.

But when she asked them to describe their work, she got completely different answers.

Some saw themselves as janitors—clean floors, empty trash, go home.

Others saw themselves as healers—“I’m keeping the hospital environment clean so patients heal faster. I’m creating peace for families in crisis.”

Same work. Completely different sense of purpose.

The janitors who saw their work as part of the larger mission of healing? They stayed in their jobs longer, performed better, and went above and beyond their job descriptions more often. The work became meaningful because they connected it to something larger than themselves.

“Work is Love Made Visible”

Khalil Gibran wrote in The Prophet: “Work is love made visible.”

He goes on to say, “If you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s hunger.”

I used to think work was just a necessity—something you do to make money so you can do what you really want to do later. But I’ve come to see it differently.

What if work could be an expression of your values? What if the daily tasks you’re already doing could become ways to live out what you care most about?

This isn’t about finding the “perfect job” or waiting for ideal circumstances. It’s about bringing intention and meaning to whatever work you’re already doing.

Finding Purpose in Hospitality

In our industry, this shift can be transformative.

You’re not just checking someone in—you’re the first person they see after a long journey, setting the tone for whether they feel welcomed or just processed.

You’re not just serving food—you’re nourishing people and creating moments of connection around a table.

You’re not just cleaning rooms—you’re creating a peaceful sanctuary where travelers can rest and recharge.

You’re not just handling complaints—you’re turning someone’s worst moment into a story they’ll tell about exceptional care.

Every single interaction becomes an opportunity to express something you care about: hospitality, excellence, service, human connection, making someone’s day a little brighter.

The Community Aspect

What I’ve discovered: the work becomes even more meaningful when you’re doing it alongside other people who share that sense of purpose.

When you invite others into a vision of work that matters, something beautiful happens. You’re not just completing tasks—you’re creating something together that’s bigger than any of you could accomplish alone.

I think about our team and how different it feels when we’re all aligned around the idea that we’re not just managing revenue or booking rooms—we’re taking care of people during some of their most important moments.

That shared sense of purpose changes how we treat each other, how we approach problems, how we show up each day.

Making It Personal

This week, I want to challenge you to look at your current work through this lens.

Pick one routine task—maybe it’s answering phones, updating spreadsheets, cleaning, or handling guest requests. Ask yourself:

How does this task connect to something larger? What value am I expressing through this work? How is this making someone else’s life better? What would change if I approached this with more intention?

You might be surprised by what you discover. Often, the meaning was there all along—we just weren’t paying attention to it.

The Bigger Picture

We spend too much of our lives at work for it to feel meaningless. And while not every moment will feel profound, there’s almost always a way to connect what you’re doing to something that matters.

The hospital janitors didn’t change their job description. They changed how they thought about their work. They found a way to see their daily tasks as part of a mission they could feel good about.

You can do the same thing, starting today.

Because we’re all becoming better versions of ourselves through the work we do—when we choose to approach it with purpose and intention.

Your work doesn’t have to be just a job. It can be love made visible.

Take care, Josh

The Plastic Couch Cover That Changed How I Think About Life

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve been thinking about my grandparents lately.

My grandmother would put plastic covers on the couch—you know, the kind that made sitting down sound like opening a bag of chips. She and my grandfather saved up for a Cadillac and would put a car cover on it even though it was kept safely in the garage. After the cover, they’d put quilts on top of that.

At the time, it seemed a bit much. But looking back now, I’m struck by the depth of care. The level of intentionality they brought to their lives. There was a sense of purpose in how they cared for their things, their home, their relationships. They didn’t buy a lot of things. And what they bought, they would care for it with intention.

They took their time with everything. Nothing was rushed or automatic. Everything was done on purpose.

Today, we’re all moving so fast. We’re skimming the surface of life with so much flying at us that it’s easy to become frantic and fragmented. And somewhere in all that speed, we lose something my grandparents had: the ability to live with intention.

The Automatic Life Problem

USC researcher Wendy Wood discovered that nearly half of what we do each day runs on autopilot—triggered by our environment, not by conscious choice.

We think we’re deciding, but we’re just reacting.

When you think about it this way, about half of your day is happening automatically.

We’re what she calls “reason-making machines.” We’re constantly explaining to ourselves why we made certain choices, but most of the time, we didn’t actually choose at all. We just reacted based on habit and circumstance.

You wake up, check your phone (automatic). Drive the same route to work (automatic). Order your usual coffee (automatic). Respond to emails in the same way you always do (automatic).

None of these are necessarily bad things, but they raise an important question: How much of your life are you actually living on purpose?

The Elephant and the Rider

There’s this helpful metaphor about an elephant and its rider. Picture yourself as both—you’re the rider trying to direct where you go, but you’re also the elephant with all its automatic behaviors and instincts.

The rider likes to think it’s in complete control, but the elephant is much stronger. The elephant represents all those automatic responses, those habits, those unconscious patterns that drive so much of what we do.

The key isn’t to fight the elephant—it’s to take care of it, to get to know it, and to train it. Create the right environment so that when your elephant acts automatically, it’s moving toward what you actually want.

Purpose as Your Feedback Loop

This is where purpose comes in, and it’s different from how most people think about it.

Purpose isn’t some grand, cosmic calling you discover once and then you’re set for life. Purpose is much more practical than that.

Purpose isn’t a destination to reach—it’s more like the map and the compass you come back to. It’s regularly asking yourself: ’Am I doing this on purpose, or am I just going through the motions?’

Am I thinking, feeling, and acting in ways that align with my vision and values?“

When I think about purpose, it comes back to mindfulness—how do I, in this present moment, slow down so that my responses aren’t automatic but intentional?

It’s the difference between reacting and responding. Between going through the motions and engaging fully with what’s in front of you.

The Vision and Values Connection

You could spend time identifying your values and never think about them again. You could create a clear vision for your life and then file it away somewhere.

Without this purpose feedback loop—without regularly asking yourself whether you’re living on purpose—it’s easy to lose sight of where you’re going and get lost in the chaos of everything coming at you.

Your values and vision give you direction. Purpose is what keeps you on course.

Creating Space for the Question

The most successful people I know in hospitality aren’t necessarily the ones with the most talent or the best circumstances. They’re the ones who regularly create space to ask themselves tough questions:

Am I showing up the way I want to show up?
Is how I’m spending my time aligned with what I say matters most?
Am I growing into the person I want to become?

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about awareness. It’s about catching yourself when you’re operating on autopilot and choosing to engage more intentionally.

Your Turn

This week, catch yourself in the act. Notice when you’re sleepwalking versus when you’re fully awake. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s awareness.

Take care,

Josh

P.S. Next week, I want to share a story about hospital janitors that completely changed how I think about finding purpose in our daily work—even when that work doesn’t feel particularly meaningful on the surface.

You don’t have to wait for the perfect job or the perfect circumstances to live with purpose. You can bring intention and meaning to whatever you’re doing right now.

The Values Conversation That Transforms Conflict

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I’m squeezing my iPhone while walking up the stairs to my office. Taking deep breaths to keep my anger and frustration in check.

My boss at the time had just asked me to follow a very specific process for a project I was leading—step by step, giving regular check-ins and detailed reports along the way. But this was MY project, and I was enjoying it and excited about it. And I was convinced his rigid process would kill what I loved about this project.

My immediate gut reaction was resistance. I wanted to say no, to push back, to explain why this approach wouldn’t work.

But instead of reacting, I paused. “Why am I SO frustrated right now?” It was almost humorous to me that I would be acting like such a child about this situation.

Getting to the Underlying Value

So I loosen my grip on the phone. And instead of arguing about the process, I decided to dig in about what matters to him.

“Help me understand,” I said. “What’s the underlying thing you’re trying to accomplish with this approach?”

He said he felt out of the loop and in the dark. Stability mattered to him. Connection mattered to him. So while I was passionately working on this project on my own, fears start to rise for him on where I’m headed, if he could be involved, how he’d like to help and support, and how he didn’t want to feel cut out of the process.

This is all about values.

While I deeply care about authenticity and personal freedom. He deeply cares about stability and connection.

He’d seen so many projects go sideways when people didn’t have clear structure. He wasn’t trying to control me—he was trying to ensure reliable outcomes for the team. He was trying to stay connected.

Once I understood that, everything changed.

“I see that you value consistency,” I told him. “I can absolutely help you get that. What I need is freedom in how I get there. Can I suggest a path that gives you the visibility you need while letting me work in a way that energizes me?”

We spent the next twenty minutes designing an approach that honored both of our values. He got his consistent check-ins and reliable process. I got the creative freedom to solve problems my way within that framework.

It wasn’t compromise—it was alignment.

Standing Side-by-Side

Here’s what I learned from that conversation: when you understand the values beneath someone’s position, you can stop arguing and start connecting.

Imagine you’re at the MOMA, standing in front of a piece of art arguing with your friend about what you each see—you’re both focused on different details, different colors. Insisting the other person look at your section. But when you understand the values beneath someone’s position, something shifts. You stop trying to convince them to see what you see, and you start exploring the whole canvas together. Suddenly you’re both on the same side, studying the complexity and appreciating how your different perspectives reveal more of the complete picture.

This shift can change how you handle conflict. It can help with your boss, colleague, a guest, or a family member.

Values as Your Secret Decision-Making Framework

Once you know your own values and get curious about others’, something powerful happens in your daily work.

You stop feeling like things are just “being handed to you.” Instead, you start looking for ways to express what you genuinely care about through the work you’re already doing.

Let’s say you value authenticity. Suddenly, every guest interaction becomes an opportunity to be genuinely while helping them also be genuine. That’s not just following hospitality protocols—that’s living out something you deeply care about.

Or maybe you value growth. Every challenging situation becomes a chance to learn something new, every difficult team member becomes an opportunity to practice a skill you’re developing.

Your values become a filter for how you approach everything: “In the way I’m serving this person, how can I connect it to what I care deeply about?”

The Deeper Conversation

Most workplace conflicts aren’t really about the surface issue. They’re about underlying values that aren’t being acknowledged or honored.

Someone seems “difficult”? Maybe they value respect and feel dismissed.
A team member resists change? Maybe they value security and need to understand how the change serves that.
A guest is being unreasonable? Maybe they value being heard and haven’t felt truly listened to.

When you get to the underlying value, you can have a conversation about what’s really going on instead of just arguing about symptoms.

You begin addressing the actual issue instead of dancing around it.

Making It Practical

This week, try this approach:

When you feel frustrated or resistant: Pause and ask yourself, “What value of mine feels threatened or ignored right now?”

When someone else seems difficult: Get curious. “What might they be trying to protect or express? What could they value that I’m not seeing?”

In your daily work: Look for one way to connect a routine task to something you genuinely care about.

The goal isn’t to psychoanalyze everyone or turn every conversation into a therapy session. It’s to recognize that we’re all operating from values, and when we can see and honor those values, we can work together much more effectively.

Your values aren’t just nice concepts - they’re the difference between constantly fighting upstream and finding the current that carries both you and others toward what you all actually want.

Take care,

Josh

P.S. Next week, I want to talk about purpose—how knowing your values and having a clear vision creates a feedback loop that helps you live more intentionally in everything you do.

P.P.S. You’re receiving this because you subscribed to my content at Prosper Hotels. I’ve moved my writing tojoshramsey.com, where I’ll continue exploring leadership, hospitality, and what it means to create cultures where people thrive. If you’d prefer not to receive these emails, no worries at all - there’s an unsubscribe link at the bottom. Otherwise, welcome to the new home!

Why Corporate Values Don't Work (And What Does)

Wed, 09 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

One of Enron’s core values was “integrity.”

I’ll wait for that sink in for a moment.

A company now synonymous with corporate fraud and deception. And “integrity” was literally one of the values they had printed on posters throughout their offices.

This is one example of why I lean a tad skeptical of corporate values. Not because the values are wrong, but because asking someone to live out someone else’s values is like asking them to wear clothes that don’t fit.

The Personal Values Reality

So, let’s talk about personal values. Everyone has them, but most of us can’t actually tell you what they are.

We inherit some from our families, pick up others through hard experiences, or discover some through moments of clarity. But when we’re asked to name them, we often struggle.

This matters more than you might think.

Recently, I led our team through a values exercise. I asked everyone to identify their top three values and share why those particular ones mattered to them.

I loved seeing the results that came from this. Some people had one value that overlapped, maybe two, but when we went around the room, everyone’s combination was different.

And here was my key insight: that didn’t make anyone wrong.

In fact, this makes our team much more interesting and valuable. We all come to the table with different priorities, different perspectives, different strengths.

When Values Come Alive

One team member said, “I value family.”

Instead of just nodding and moving on, I asked her to tell me more. “What does that mean to you? How does that show up in your work?”

Her answer was beautiful. She explained that even in a work environment, she deeply cares about the people she works with. This family value drives her to mentor and train others.

When I interviewed her, she told me, “I love hiring somebody and getting them to be better than I am so that they can be very successful.”

That’s her living out this family value through her work. She’s not just following a job description—she’s expressing something she genuinely cares about.

“Because I value family,” she said, “this is how I do my work.”

Your Roots Need Attention

Think about your values like a root system.

Every time you say yes to something that aligns with your values, your roots grow stronger.

And every time you say no to something that conflicts with what you care about, you also get stronger—you’re protecting what matters most.

But here’s the danger: every time you say yes to things that go against your values, or no to things that would help you grow in your values, your roots get a little weaker.

Over time, you start to lose your sense of self.

I’ve seen this happen to good people in our industry. They get so focused on pleasing everyone, on saying yes to every request, that they lose touch with what they actually care about. They start going through the motions instead of bringing their authentic selves to their work.

When people know their values and can connect them to their daily work, something changes. They stand up a little straighter. They’re more willing to lean into difficult situations because they’re not just doing what they’re told—they’re expressing something meaningful.

The Values Exercise

Here’s a simple exercise that can change how you think about your work and your life:

Step 1: Write down 10 values that resonate with you. Don’t overthink it—just write down things that feel important.

Step 2: Force yourself to narrow it down to 5. For each one, write a sentence about why this value matters to you.

Step 3: Identify your top 3. These become your “true north”—the values that are most core to who you are.

The goal isn’t to dismiss the importance of other values, but to recognize which ones are truly foundational for you.

What Changes When You Know

When you’re clear on your values, you can:

Make decisions that align with what matters most to you
Set boundaries with confidence
Understand why certain situations energize you while others drain you
Find ways to express what you care about through your daily work

Most importantly, you stop feeling like you’re just going through the motions. You start to see how your work can be an expression of what you genuinely value.

Next week, I want to share a story about how understanding values—both yours and others’—can transform your most difficult workplace conversations.

Once you get to the underlying values, you can have conversations about what’s really going on instead of just arguing about surface-level disagreements.

Take some time this week to work through that values exercise. I’m curious to hear what you discover about yourself.

Take care,

Josh

The Letter I Wrote My Son Before Running 100 Miles

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was crying at mile 20.

After months of preparation—changing my entire diet, restructuring my schedule, even running 50 miles alone on New Year’s Eve—I found myself sobbing on a dirt trail in Huntsville, Texas, convinced I couldn’t finish what I’d started.

The 100-mile race I’d trained for wasn’t anything like I’d expected. Instead of the smooth paths I’d practiced on, this course wound through old cypress trees with roots that seemed to grab at my feet like fists. Every few steps, I’d trip and have to catch myself, locking up muscles I didn’t even know I had.

By the end of the first 20-mile loop—with four more to go—I felt worse than I had after running 50 miles through Dallas. “There is no way I can do this four more times,” I thought.

But then I saw my son Jack.

The Vision That Pulls You Forward

Before the race, I’d written letters to my family and friends who came to support me. The one to Jack said something like this:

When I saw him at that 20-mile marker, something shifted. This wasn’t just about me finishing a race anymore. This was about showing my son that we can do hard things, that we don’t give up when life gets difficult.

Every time I ran alongside another racer and they asked, “Why are you doing this?” I’d share that purpose. And every single time, I’d feel this surge of energy rise up from somewhere deep inside. I’d stand up a little straighter, find strength I didn’t know I had.

That’s the power of vision with emotional connection.

Flying Above Your Life

When I think about vision, I picture it like taking flight—rising above your life to see the bigger picture. Looking backward at what has given you energy and what has drained you. Looking forward at who you want to become and what you want to be known for.

It’s like the Christmas Carol story—past, present, and future all informing each other.

Most of us are so caught up in the day-to-day that we never take that step back to ask: “If I keep doing what I’m doing today, am I going to become the person I want to be?”

But here’s what I’ve learned: the more vivid and emotional your vision of that future, the more you can endure in the present.

Vision That Invites Others In

One of my favorite examples comes from an area director of sales I used to work with. She had this wild idea to close down two public streets in downtown Louisville and host a community dinner right there in the middle of the city.

Most people would have thought she was crazy. But because her vision was so compelling—so different and interesting—people wanted to be part of it. She didn’t have to do everything herself. The vision gathered people around it.

That’s when I realized something important: it’s not a compelling vision if no one else gets to come along.

Edwin Friedman, a rabbi who worked with organizations and families, used to give the same advice for solving any group problem. He’d find the strongest person in the room and tell them they needed to find their “I Have a Dream” speech.

When you stand up straight with a vision that excites you, others don’t just follow—they’re empowered to find their own compelling vision too.

Your Personal Vision Questions

Taking that flight above your life doesn’t require a mountaintop retreat. It just requires honest reflection on a few key questions:

Who do you want to be? Not what you want to do, but who you want to become.
What do you want to be known for? When people think of you, what do you hope comes to mind?
When you’re looking back on your life, what will you be proud of accomplishing?

These questions aren’t meant to have final answers. They’re meant to keep you seeking, to serve as roots that ground you and give you strength to serve others.

This vision—this emotional connection to your future—is what gets you through “the struggle and drudge of daily work.” It’s what helps you stand up straighter when things get difficult.

The Leadership Connection

Here’s why this matters so much for those of us in hospitality: your team can sense whether you’re just going through the motions or whether you’re connected to something deeper.

When you have a vision that genuinely excites you—when you can articulate not just what you’re doing but why it matters to you personally—that becomes contagious.

People want to be part of something meaningful.

But it has to start with you. You can’t give what you don’t have.

Take some time this week to fly above your life. Look backward, look forward, and ask yourself:

Am I learning and growing to become the person I want to be? Am I doing that to the best of my ability right now?

Your answers might surprise you—and they might just change everything.

Take care,

Josh

When Your Team is Working Against Itself

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Today I want to talk about team performance. And why maximum effort doesn’t always equal maximum output.

Have you ever watched your sales and revenue teams both hit their targets, only to see overall market share slip?

Both teams are working incredibly hard; both are winning by their own metrics. Yet, together, they’re missing the mark.

How is that possible?

The Vector Problem

To answer this question, let’s get into the math.

A vector has two components: direction and magnitude. Think of it like force applied to move something—it matters both how hard you push and which way you’re pushing.

So, if you have four people each applying a force of 2, but they’re pushing in different directions—say one person pushing +1, another pushing -1—you don’t get a force of 8. You get zero.

All that effort, all that hard work, and you end up with no progress.

That’s exactly what can happen with your team.

Both can pull in different directions, accidentally canceling each other out.

The Emotional Connection That Sustains Us

Most people won’t sustain hard work unless they have a deep emotional connection to a future they’re working toward.

Peter Attia writes about this in his book Outlive. He talks about the difference between extending your lifespan versus extending your “healthspan”—the years when you’re actually healthy and vibrant.

As we get older, the work required to stay healthy gets harder and harder. Without a clear vision of why that work matters—maybe you want to climb mountains in retirement or play with your grandkids—most people give up.

The same principle applies to our teams. When people are just “doing their job” without understanding how their work connects to something meaningful, they burn out. They go through the motions. They might even work against each other without realizing it.

But when everyone understands the bigger picture—when they have that emotional connection to where the team is headed—everything changes.

Finding Your Common Goal

The solution isn’t to make everyone think the same way or have identical priorities. The solution is alignment around one singular goal that everyone can rally behind.

In our case, we shifted the focus from individual department metrics to overall market share growth. Suddenly, sales and revenue management weren’t working against each other—they were collaborating to capture more of the market while maintaining profitability.

Same people, same skills, but now their vectors were aligned.

The amount of force matters much less than the direction. In fact, people trying really hard in the wrong direction can be more detrimental than people moving slowly in the right direction.

What About Your Team?

Take a moment to think about your own team:

Are people clear on the one thing that matters most right now?
Do individual department goals sometimes conflict with overall success?
When you look at your team’s daily work, are they pushing in the same direction?

If you’re standing back-to-back having the same conversation but seeing completely different things, it might be time to help everyone turn and face the same direction.

Next week, I want to talk about something even more fundamental: how to develop the kind of personal vision that aligns your own life and naturally draws others to be part of what you’re building.

See you next week.

Take care,

Josh

Why Your Best Team Members Can't Fake Authentic Care

Wed, 18 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I can still smell those biscuits and gravy.

As a kid, there was nothing quite like walking into my grandmother’s house on a Saturday morning.

She’d be up before dawn, sleeves rolled up, flour on her apron, creating what felt like magic in that little kitchen. The smell would hit you the moment you opened the door—warm, comforting, like a hug you could breathe in.

But it wasn’t just the food. It was how safe I felt in that space. How cared for. How she’d look me in the eye when I walked in, like I was the most important person in the world at that moment.

There was something about being welcomed into her home that made everything else fade away.

I think that’s what many of us in hospitality are trying to recreate—those moments where someone feels truly safe and cared for. But recently, I’ve been thinking about what made those experiences so powerful.

And it led me down a fascinating path to the very origins of hospitality itself.

The Original Blueprint

When I dug into the etymology of hospitality, I discovered the word comes from the Latin “hospes”—and here’s what’s fascinating—it meant both guest and host. Not one or the other, but both.

Think about what this reveals: thousands of years ago, hospitality wasn’t seen as a one-way transaction where someone serves and someone receives. It was understood as a mutual exchange between two people who were, in essence, the same.

This was about travelers passing through town who needed care, and hosts who opened their homes. But both parties were entering into something vulnerable.

The host was letting a stranger into their most private space. The guest was placing their safety and comfort in the hands of someone they’d never met.

It was what I’ve come to think of as a mutual exchange of vulnerability.

Here’s the thing: you can’t mandate this kind of authentic connection.

You can’t force someone to genuinely care, just like my grandmother couldn’t have faked the warmth that filled her kitchen. It emerged from a place of confidence, safety, and presence—from someone who felt secure enough in themselves to truly open up to another person.

Where Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Moments

This mutual exchange of vulnerability still happens today, though we don’t always recognize it.

Picture this: you’re at a hotel front desk, and the person checking you in has clearly had a rough day. Their guard is up, they’re going through the motions. Maybe you’ve had a rough day too, and you’re just hoping someone will look you in the eye and give you a genuine smile.

But then something shifts. Maybe they notice you seem tired and ask if you’re okay. Or maybe you sense their stress and offer a kind word. In that moment, both of you drop your defenses just a little. The interaction transforms from a transaction into a human connection.

I’ve seen this countless times—when a frustrated guest approaches the desk with a problem, and instead of the team member putting up their guard, they open up and truly listen.

Once the guest feels heard and seen, once they sense their problem genuinely matters to the person helping them, something beautiful happens. The situation dissolves, and together they can creatively find a solution.

As leaders, our job isn’t to script these moments—it’s to create environments where our teams feel safe enough to be authentically present with our guests.

What About You?

I’m curious about your own experiences with this ancient art of mutual vulnerability.

Where do you see opportunities for more authentic exchange in your leadership?

What would it look like to create space for your team to feel confident and safe enough to truly connect with guests?

Have you ever experienced a moment—either as a guest or host—where dropping your guard led to something unexpectedly meaningful?

The beautiful thing about understanding hospitality’s origins is that it reminds us we’re not just in the business of rooms and services.

We’re carrying forward a tradition that’s thousands of years old—creating space for strangers to become something more to each other.

Reply and let me know your thoughts. I’d love to hear your perspective.

Take care,

Josh

You Can't Give What You Don't Have

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Last week, you heard the story of my first day at Hilton—the disconnect between Conrad’s inspiring vision upstairs and the gray cubicle reality downstairs.

It ended with Jerry Colonna’s challenging question:

Today, I want to explore what it looks like to become part of the solution.

You Are Part of the Organism

One insight that has shaped how I lead is understanding that I’m not separate from the environment I’m trying to influence—I’m part of it.

Think about parenting. Early on, I thought my job was to control my children, to set the right rules and manage their behavior. Then I realized: they exist within an environment that I’m part of creating.

If they’re anxious, maybe I’m anxious. If they’re disconnected, maybe I’m distracted.

The same is true in hospitality leadership. Your team’s energy, engagement, and care for guests doesn’t exist in isolation—it’s part of an ecosystem that you’re helping to create every day.

When Chris and I built our new business within Hilton, we knew the foundational layer had to be “take care of each other.” Not as a nice slogan, but as a lived reality. Because we understood that you can’t give what you don’t have.

Teams that feel cared for naturally extend that care to guests.

The Art of Authentic Connection

Bridging the gap between vision and reality requires the courage to be authentically yourself in professional spaces.

I think about a quote that Mr. Rogers shared:

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

This is the kind of environment we can create in hospitality—not where people have to be perfect, but where they can be real. Where both team members and guests feel safe to be themselves.

The magic happens when people feel truly seen and valued for who they are right now, not who they think they need to be.

Your True North

Conrad Hilton understood something profound: hospitality is fundamentally about human connection. It’s about creating spaces where people can experience belonging, understanding, and care.

But that vision only becomes reality when individual leaders—like you—choose to embody it in your daily actions.

Your true north isn’t found in a mission statement on the wall. It’s found in the moment-by-moment choices you make about how to treat the person in front of you.

What About You?

This week, I challenge you to move from observer to participant:

What’s one small way you could begin to bridge the gap between your hospitality vision and reality—not by waiting for others to change, but by bringing more of your authentic self to your work?

How can you create just a little more space for genuine connection with your team or guests?

Remember: The hospitality industry needs leaders who understand that we’re not just in the business of rooms and revenue.

We’re in the business of creating spaces where human beings can experience the light and warmth of genuine care.

And that starts with you.

Take care,

Josh

Are You Complicit in Creating What You Don't Want?

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I still remember walking down those stairs from orientation on my first day at Hilton.

Just minutes before, I’d been sitting in a conference room listening to Conrad Hilton’s vision “to spread the light and warmth of hospitality.”

His words about promoting world peace through travel, about understanding rather than being understood, about seeing that divine spark in every person—it all resonated deeply with something I didn’t even know I was searching for.

Then I walked downstairs to my actual workspace.

Gray walls. Gray cubicles. Heads down. Everyone for themselves.

The disconnect was jarring. Here was this beautiful, transformative vision upstairs, and down here was the reality—a place that felt more like survival than service.

Have you ever felt that gap? Between what drew you to hospitality and what your daily experience actually looks like?

The Space Between Vision and Reality

That first day taught me something crucial about our industry: the vision is real, but so is the challenge of living it out in environments that don’t always support that vision.

I had a choice to make. I could accept the gray cubicle reality, or I could figure out how to bring that “light and warmth” down to the third floor.

I decided to put on my pastoral hat.

I started organizing happy hours. Writing emails that connected people rather than just conveying information. Looking for what people had in common instead of what divided them. Creating space for laughter and genuine connection.

Something shifted. Not overnight, but gradually. The environment began to change because someone decided to bridge the gap between aspiration and action.

The Question That Changes Everything

Years later, I discovered a question from leadership coach Jerry Colonna that perfectly captures what I was learning: “How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?”

It’s a hard question. But also liberating.

When I think about that gray cubicle environment, I realize everyone there probably wanted more connection, more meaning, more alignment with Conrad’s vision. But we were all waiting for someone else to create it.

The moment I stopped waiting and started contributing, everything changed.

In hospitality leadership, this question becomes even more powerful. When we complain about disengaged teams, difficult guests, or toxic culture, we have to ask: What am I doing—or not doing—that might be contributing to this?

This isn’t about blame. It’s about power. It’s about recognizing where we actually have influence to create change.

What About You?

Take a moment to think about your own experience in hospitality:

What originally drew you to this industry? What vision captured your imagination?

Where do you notice the biggest gaps between that vision and your current reality?

And here’s the big question: How might you be unconsciously contributing to the conditions you wish were different?

Take care,

Josh

Hospitality as an Antidote to Loneliness

Wed, 28 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was stopped at a traffic light last week when a thought hit me with surprising clarity:

What we do in hospitality might be one of the most powerful answers to a growing crisis.

Our former Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, calls loneliness an epidemic in America. It’s not just about feeling isolated – it’s about the profound impact this disconnection has on our physical and mental health.

In his research, Murthy found that chronic loneliness can be as damaging to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

That’s when it dawned on me.

Creating Space for Connection

Think about what we do in hospitality. At its core, our work is about creating environments where people can gather, connect, and feel a sense of belonging.

When a family celebrates a milestone at a hotel restaurant, when business colleagues build relationships during a conference, when a solo traveler finds friendly conversation at the bar – we’re not just providing services.

We’re creating the conditions for human connection to flourish.

I remember my early days at Hilton, when I would watch guests arrive stressed and guarded, only to see them gradually relax as our team members treated them with genuine care.

Something as simple as remembering a guest’s name or asking about their day could visibly shift their entire demeanor.

The Ripple Effect

What fascinates me most is how this focus on connection ripples outward. When we create environments where our teams feel truly connected to each other and our purpose, they naturally extend that same sense of belonging to our guests.

I saw this firsthand when leading the customer service team. We started each week by sharing real stories of team members who had gone above and beyond.

One story particularly stands out: a team member who noticed a guest seemed distressed and simply asked if they were okay.

That small moment of human connection meant everything to a person who had been feeling invisible for weeks.

Your Opportunity

Here’s what I’ve come to believe: In a world where technology often substitutes for real connection, what we offer in hospitality – genuine human care – has never been more valuable or necessary.

We’re not just in the business of rooms and services. We’re in the business of creating space for human beings to remember they belong to each other.

What’s one small thing you could do today to foster genuine connection with a team member or guest?

It might seem insignificant in the moment, but never underestimate how powerful that moment of authentic care might be to someone experiencing loneliness.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you witnessed how hospitality can combat loneliness? Reply and share your story.

Take care,

Josh

Are You Giving Away Your Power?

Wed, 21 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I made a mistake recently that I almost blamed on someone else.

I was rushing between meetings when I promised a hotel partner I’d send them our analytics report by the end of the day. As 5pm approached, I realized I’d completely forgotten.

My first instinct?“Well, if my calendar wasn’t so packed…”“If only the team had reminded me…”

Then I caught myself.

Those thoughts weren’t just untrue – they were robbing me of my power.

The Blame Trap

Have you noticed how easy it is to fall into the blame trap in our industry?

The kitchen is backed up because the front desk overbooked. Revenue is down because OTAs changed their algorithms. The guest was upset because maintenance didn’t fix the issue fast enough.

When I scroll through hospitality forums online, I’m sometimes struck by how much energy goes into blaming others – particularly guests – rather than looking for solutions.

Here’s what I’ve observed: blame is like a comfortable prison cell. It feels oddly satisfying in the moment but ultimately confines us.

The Velcro Effect

Psychologists talk about something fascinating called negativity bias. Negative experiences stick to us like Velcro, while positive ones slide off like Teflon. Our brains are wired to look for threats and problems.

This means when we start looking for reasons to blame, we’ll always find them. And once we start seeing the world through this lens, it becomes our default – we start looking for proof that we’re right, that others are the problem, not us.

Reclaiming Your Power

The most transformative leadership lesson I’ve learned is this:

Your power lives in your response, not in your circumstances.

When we cultivate an internal locus of control – the belief that we influence our outcomes through our choices – we become happier, more effective leaders. We stop asking “Who’s fault is this?” and start asking “What can I do about this?”

I saw this play out dramatically during the pandemic. While some hospitality leaders were stuck blaming circumstances beyond their control, others – often with the exact same challenges – found creative paths forward.

The difference wasn’t in their situations. It was in where they placed their power.

Creating a No-Blame Culture

As leaders, we shape culture not just through what we say but through what we permit. When we allow blame to become currency in our organizations, it spreads rapidly.

At our company, we’ve made it a practice to replace “They should have…” with “Next time, we could…” It’s subtle but powerful. It shifts us from blame to learning, from past to future, from division to unity.

Your Turn

Today, I invite you to notice: Where might you be giving your power away through blame? What would change if you approached every challenge with the question “What can I do about this?”

The answer might surprise you – and unlock possibilities you hadn’t seen before.

Take care,

Josh

Being a Mirror: A Different Approach to Leadership

Wed, 14 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Last week, I found myself staring at a blank performance review form, feeling that familiar resistance rise up.

Why is giving feedback so uncomfortable?

After reflecting on this question for years, I’ve come to a realization that transformed my approach to leadership: my opinion about this person isn’t actually what matters.

Let me explain.

Beyond Opinion to Reflection

Traditional feedback often sounds like this: “Here’s what I think about you. Here’s what you’re doing well and not so well, according to me.”

But who am I to claim such authority? My perspective is inevitably limited, shaped by my own experiences, biases, and blind spots – just like everyone else’s.

What if, instead, my role as a leader is to be a mirror?

A mirror doesn’t judge; it simply reflects. It shows you what you might not be able to see on your own. It provides perspective, not evaluation.

Learning to Reflect

This shift from evaluator to mirror changed everything about how I approach leadership. When I sit down with someone now, I try to focus on:

Reflecting what I observe: “Here’s what I noticed in that meeting. You asked questions that got everyone on the team in an active conversation.“
Reflecting impact: “When you followed up with that guest, I can see how their perspective has changed. They specifically mentioned feeling truly heard.“
Inviting self-reflection: “How do you feel you’re growing in your role? What aspects of your work energize you most?”

I learned this approach partly through my own journey. My mentors don’t tell me the answer to my problems. Instead, they usually simply ask thoughtful questions that help me see my own behavior more clearly. The insight then comes from within – and it sticks in a way external “feedback” never does.

The Space Between

This mirrors the concept of the “space between” that I’ve mentioned before.

Being a reflective leader means finding the optimal distance – close enough to observe clearly, but not so close that you’re imposing your perspective.

Your Turn

Next time you’re preparing feedback for someone on your team, try shifting your mindset:

Instead of “How can I help them improve?” try “How can I help them see themselves more clearly?”
Instead of “What’s my opinion of their performance?” try “What have I observed about their impact?”
Instead of focusing on fixing, focus on reflecting.

The beauty of this approach is that it honors each person’s autonomy and wisdom. It creates the conditions for growth without attempting to control it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this approach. Have you ever had someone serve as a mirror for you in a way that led to meaningful growth? Reply and share your experience.

Take care,

Josh

The Five Hindrances: What Stands Between You and True Presence

Wed, 07 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was sitting in an executive meeting, supposedly listening to a presentation about quarterly projections. In reality, my mind was miles away—racing between yesterday’s difficult guest escalation and tomorrow’s executive presentation.

“Josh, what are your thoughts on this?”

My boss’s voice snapped me back to the present.

I fumbled through a response, but the truth was clear: I wasn’t paying attention. Not really.

Have you ever had that moment? When you’re physically present but mentally absent? We all have.

In hospitality, these moments can be particularly costly—both for our guests and our teams.

The Art of Being Present

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that mindfulness isn’t some mystical practice reserved for mountain-top monasteries. It’s a practical skill that stands at the heart of exceptional hospitality and leadership.

At its core, mindfulness consists of two simple (but not easy) elements:

Being fully present in the here and now
Approaching situations without judgment

When we achieve this state, we create space for genuine connection. We hear not just what our guests or team members are saying, but what they’re truly needing. We respond rather than react.

But something often gets in the way.

The Five Hindrances: What Blocks Our Presence

In Buddhist tradition, there are five hindrances that block mindfulness—five mental states that pull us away from being fully present. I’ve found that these same hindrances show up daily in our work in hospitality:

1. Desire/Craving

This is when our mind is pulled toward something we want instead of what’s in front of us. Maybe you’re thinking about the promotion you’re after while a guest is explaining their problem. Or perhaps you’re mentally planning your vacation while your team member is sharing an important concern.

2. Aversion/Anger

When we feel resistance or irritation, our hearts close. That difficult guest becomes “another complainer.” The team member who questions our approach becomes “a troublemaker.” We might stop seeing them as a person and view them as the problem.

3. Lethargy/Heaviness

Sometimes we’re just mentally underwater. After a long shift during a challenging week, we can slip into autopilot. We’re going through the motions, but there’s no energy, no presence behind our actions.

4. Restlessness/Worry

This hindrance shows up as that mental buzz—when your mind feels like it has 37 browser tabs open at once. You’re physically at the front desk, but mentally you’re reviewing your to-do list, worrying about staffing, and planning tomorrow’s schedule.

5. Doubt

Perhaps the most subtle hindrance, doubt questions whether what we’re doing even matters. “Will listening to this guest really make a difference?” “Does this team meeting really need my full attention?” This paralyzes our will to be present.

The Sweet Spot in Mindfulness

Here’s what I’ve learned: acknowledging these hindrances is the first step to moving past them.

In a previous newsletter, we talked about finding the sweet spot between coddling and neglect. There’s a similar sweet spot in mindfulness—between forcing yourself to be perfectly present (which creates its own tension) and allowing your mind to wander unchecked.

Next time you notice your attention drifting during a guest interaction or team meeting, try this simple practice:

Notice which hindrance is at play without judgment (“Ah, there’s restlessness”)
Take a single deep breath
Gently bring your attention back to the person in front of you
Focus on one detail about them you hadn’t noticed before

That’s it. No elaborate technique, just a gentle return to presence.

The Real Work of Hospitality

At its heart, hospitality isn’t about perfect rooms or flawless service. It’s about creating genuine human connection. And that connection happens in the space between—when we’re truly present with someone else.

When we work with these hindrances rather than being controlled by them, we create that space. We allow ourselves to be fully there with our guests and teams. And in that space, real care happens.

What About You?

I’m curious—which of these five hindrances shows up most frequently in your work? What has helped you return to presence when your mind has wandered?

Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear your experience.

Take care,

Josh

The 'H' Relationship: A New Framework for Hospitality Leadership

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was reading Bird by Bird in bed one night. Anne Lamott was retelling a story from an Al-Anon meeting that she attended.

A woman was sharing how her husband would repeatedly get drunk and collapse on their front lawn, and how she’d dutifully drag him back inside each time.

After listening patiently, an older woman in the group leaned forward and said, “Honey, you should leave that man where the good Lord flung him.”

That line has stuck with me for weeks.

Leave that man where the good Lord flung him.

It’s so easy to slide into patterns where we’re simultaneously complaining about certain behaviors while unconsciously enabling them. Especially in hospitality.

The Three Forms of Connection

My therapist once explained this concept using letters:

Independence is like the letter “I” – standing completely alone.
Dependence (or codependence) is like the letter “A” – two lines leaning on each other where if one moves, the other falls.
Interdependence is like the letter “H” – connected but each standing firmly on their own.

This perfectly captures the challenge we face in hospitality.

We’re in the business of taking care of others, but there’s a delicate balance between support and enabling, between connection and codependence.

The Hospitality Trap

In this business, I’ve noticed how easy it is for leaders to fall into codependent patterns with their teams.

Someone might complain about a team member who couldn’t handle a guest escalation independently, yet swoop in to solve the problem at the first sign of difficulty. Some may lament at how an owner didn’t understand their operational constraints, yet say yes to their request.

We are often the person dragging their partner off the lawn.

The most insidious part? We often mistake these patterns for good service or leadership.

We tell ourselves we’re “going above and beyond” or “taking one for the team,” when in reality, we’re creating unhealthy dynamics that prevent growth and real connection.

Finding the Sweet Spot

True hospitality leadership isn’t about doing everything yourself or leaving others to fend entirely for themselves.

It’s about finding that “H” – where both parties stand strong independently while remaining meaningfully connected.

What does this look like in practice?

With guests: Empathize with their needs while maintaining clear boundaries about what’s possible.
With team members: Support their growth while allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their choices.
With ourselves: Acknowledge your own needs and limitations rather than sacrificing your wellbeing for approval.

This kind of interdependence creates teams that are resilient rather than fragile, relationships that are authentic rather than performed.

A Simple Practice to Try

This week, I invite you to notice where your relationships might be shaped like an “A” rather than an “H”:

Identify a relationship that leaves you feeling drained.
Ask yourself: “Am I enabling behaviors I claim to dislike?”
Consider: “What would it look like to remain connected while standing firmly in my own values?”
Take one small action to shift from dependence toward interdependence.

Sometimes, the most caring thing we can do – for others and ourselves – is to let them be where “the good Lord flung them” while offering our presence rather than our rescue.

What About You?

I’m curious about your experiences with dependence and interdependence in your leadership journey:

Where have you noticed yourself enabling behaviors you say you don’t want?
What’s one relationship you could shift from an “A” to an “H” this week?
How might your team benefit if you practiced more interdependence?

Reply and let me know your thoughts. I’d love to hear your perspective.

Take care,

Josh

Creating Low-Stakes Learning in a High-Stakes Industry

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

At my favorite local coffee shop, someone ran across the room to help my 4-year-old open the door… then they realized I was on the other side of the door, easily within reach, but not helping.

They looked at me a bit confused… and I smiled and just said, “I like to let him struggle a little bit.”

This situation reminded me of The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. The premise has stuck with me:

We’ve overprotected our children in the physical world while leaving them underprotected in the digital one.

It got me thinking about the spaces we create—not just for children, but for our teams in hospitality.

The Power of Unstructured Play

Have you ever noticed how different animals develop?

A giraffe is born and within hours is walking beside its mother. Humans, by contrast, require years of development before we’re truly independent.

This extended development isn’t a design flaw—it’s a feature. Those years are meant for learning through social interaction, through unstructured play, through experiencing the world and discovering its nuances within a community.

We learn by doing, by trying, by failing, by seeing that nothing bad usually happens when we don’t get it right—and most importantly, by sharing those experiences with others.

High Stakes vs. Low Stakes

When I was at Hilton, I noticed something interesting about team performance. The departments that consistently innovated and solved problems creatively weren’t necessarily the ones with the smartest people—they were the ones where people were open to try new approaches.

Here’s what I came to understand: when the environment feels high-stakes—where mistakes are punished and perfection is the only acceptable outcome—people operate from their sympathetic nervous system.

I know sympathetic sounds good, but it means that they’re in survival mode. And when you’re in survival mode, the creative, problem-solving parts of your brain shut down.

You’re exhausted quickly. You become protective rather than generative.

So, how can we as leaders work to create low-stakes spaces where people can play, experiment, and learn without fear?

Building Safety in Your Team

Here are some things that work for me:

Celebrate learning, not just success. In our weekly meetings, we don’t just share wins—we share what went wrong and what we learned. “Here’s what happened with a guest this week. Here’s what worked well. Here’s what didn’t. Here’s what we’re going to do differently next time.“
Model vulnerability. At one of our company retreats, each team member wrote down something they were afraid of on a piece of paper. We each threw those papers into a fire together. Some shared aloud, some didn’t. But that simple act sent a powerful message: it’s okay not to know everything. It’s okay to have fears.
Eliminate unnecessary competition. When team members feel they’re competing against each other rather than working together toward a common goal, defensive posturing becomes the norm. Make it clear that you value collaboration over individual heroics. The core tenet of our company is to “take care of each other,” and that requires attunement over individual accomplishment.

The Neuroscience of Safety

There’s science behind all this. When we feel threatened—even by something as simple as potential criticism from a colleague—our brains shift from the parasympathetic “rest and digest” mode to the sympathetic “fight or flight” response.

In that state, our ability to conceptualize, to think creatively, to connect with others—all the things that make for exceptional hospitality—dramatically diminishes. We’re too busy trying to survive to truly care for others.

This is why creating psychological safety isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s essential for teams that want to deliver truly exceptional experiences.

Your Turn

Take a moment to reflect: How safe do people feel to learn, grow, and make mistakes on your team?

If someone tries something new and it doesn’t work perfectly, what happens? Is the focus on placing blame or extracting learning?

What’s one small step you could take this week to create more “space between”—that psychological environment where your team feels safe enough to bring their full, creative, problem-solving selves to work?

Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Take care,

Josh

The Ongoing Journey: Continuing Your Transformation as a Leader

Wed, 16 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

There’s a seductive myth in leadership and life: Once I get through this challenge, things will get easier. Once I reach this milestone, I can finally relax.

I fell for this when I first moved into management. I thought, “Once I master these skills, once my team is functioning well, once we hit our targets—then the discomfort will end.”

But that’s not how growth works.

**Every new level of success is an invitation to a new level of challenge.**The revenue targets get higher. The problems get more complex. The stakes increase. And this isn’t a flaw in the system—it’s the point.

The moment you think you’ve arrived is precisely when you’re most at risk of stagnation.

The Transformative Power of Challenge

Remember the movie Jurassic Park? Dr. Alan Grant starts the story actively disliking children. They’re noisy, they’re messy, they ask too many questions. But by the end of his harrowing journey protecting two kids through a dinosaur-infested island, he’s transformed.

The children didn’t change—he did. He started out disliking kids. Now he’s dear friends with two of them. These kids are just as noisy and messy, but his challenge led him to a point of inner transformation. And this level of change can’t be found in a book.

This is an essential pattern of transformation. The obstacles we face aren’t merely inconveniences to overcome; they’re invitations to become something more than we were before.

The hospitality leaders I most admire understand this intuitively. They don’t just endure difficult seasons; they ask, “What is this challenge trying to teach me? How might I be different on the other side of this?”

Bringing Your Transformation Home

Perhaps the hardest part of any hero’s journey isn’t facing the T-Rex—it’s returning home afterward.

When you’ve been through something transformative—whether it’s opening a new property, navigating a crisis, or simply growing into a new level of leadership—you can’t just compartmentalize that growth. The real work is integration.

How do you bring your new insights, your hard-won wisdom, back to your team, your organization, your daily operations?

This is where many leaders struggle. They have profound experiences at conferences, in executive education, or through personal challenges—but fail to translate those experiences into meaningful change for their teams.

Integration requires vulnerability. It means saying, “Here’s what I’ve learned. Here’s how I’m trying to grow. Here’s what might be different going forward.”

It also requires patience. Your team hasn’t been on your journey. They need time to understand and adapt to your evolution.

The Dual Role of Leaders

As a hospitality leader, you exist in a fascinating dual state: guide and hero simultaneously. You’re helping others navigate their challenges while continuing to face your own.

This dual citizenship is demanding. It’s why leadership can feel lonely at times.

But please remember that your ongoing transformation isn’t selfish—it’s essential. The depth of guidance you can offer others is directly proportional to the depth of your own journey.

The Freedom in Facing the T-Rex

There’s a liberating truth in accepting that challenges never end: you can stop waiting for the mythical “easier time” and instead embrace the journey itself.

When you know that discomfort is not a sign something’s wrong but rather an invitation to growth, you can approach challenges differently. Not with dread, but with curiosity. Not with resistance, but with a willingness to be changed.

This shift doesn’t make the T-Rex any smaller. But it does help you be more ready to face them.

What About You?

What T-Rex are you currently facing in your leadership journey?

If you were to view this challenge as an invitation to transform, what might you discover about yourself?

And how might confronting this challenge ultimately benefit both you and your team?

Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear your perspective.

Take care,

Josh

Clarity, Not Control: The Mark of True Hospitality Leadership

Wed, 09 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was fresh out of my MBA when I landed a special projects role working for a regional VP at a bank.

I had impressed him while working as a banker, and when I moved to Dallas to continue my education, he offered me a position.

I remember one of our first meetings. He laid out a complex market expansion analysis and said:

He gave me a 15-minute overview, answered a few of my questions, and then… that was it. No detailed instructions. No step-by-step process. Just the vision of what “done” looked like.

For weeks, I rarely spoke to him. I researched, analyzed, built models, scrapped them, and started again. I felt simultaneously trusted and terrified.

When I finally presented my work, he nodded and said, “This is exactly what we needed.” Later, I asked him why he hadn’t checked in more.

His response has stayed with me:

The Shift from Hero to Guide

In the world of leadership, particularly in hospitality, there comes a moment when you must make a profound shift: from being the hero of the story to becoming the guide.

Joseph Campbell, whose “Hero’s Journey” framework has influenced everything from Star Wars to marketing strategies, understood that every meaningful story follows a pattern.

The hero leaves their comfort zone, faces challenges, transforms, and returns changed.

In the best stories, heroes don’t succeed alone. They have guides: Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Yoda to Luke Skywalker, Mr. Miyagi to Daniel LaRusso.

As a leader in hospitality, your role has evolved. You are no longer the protagonist rushing to fix every problem. You are the wise guide who helps others discover their own path to heroism.

The Guide’s Key Responsibilities

Great guides share certain qualities that enable others to succeed on their journeys:

1. They Provide Clarity, Not Control

Brené Brown has a saying I love: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” When team members come to you with questions, they often ask, “What do you want me to do?” But the more powerful question is: “Can you paint ‘done’ for me?”

When you clearly articulate what success looks like—without prescribing every step—you give people both direction and dignity. You’re saying, “I trust you to find the path forward.”

2. They Invest Heavily Upfront

One of the most valuable lessons I learned in my organizational development classes was about the “inverted pyramid” of management:

Well-intentioned but unprepared managers start hands-off, then gradually increase control when things don’t go as expected.

Discerning managers invest significant time upfront—building trust, establishing clear expectations, and teaching core principles. Then they gradually step back, allowing team members to spread their wings.

The front-loaded investment pays dividends as your team members become increasingly autonomous, and you avoid the trap of becoming a micromanager later.

Avoiding the Learned Helplessness Trap

Psychologist Martin Seligman discovered something fascinating in his research: when beings experience unpredictable negative consequences with no clear connection to their actions, they eventually stop trying altogether. He called this “learned helplessness.”

In leadership, we unintentionally create this same condition when our expectations are unclear or constantly shifting. Team members think: “Why try when I can’t predict what will satisfy the boss?”

Consider this: a team member submits a report. You say it needs more detail. They add detail. You say it’s too long. They shorten it. You say it’s missing key points. Eventually, they stop investing creative energy and simply ask, “Just tell me exactly what you want.”

Their potential for growth dies in that moment.

Finding Your Guide’s Voice

Becoming an effective guide requires practice and intentional focus:

When team members bring problems, ask questions before offering solutions
Set clear expectations about outcomes, but give flexibility on methods
Check your impulse to jump in and “fix” situations that are merely uncomfortable, not truly harmful
Look for opportunities to say, “I trust you to figure this out”
Celebrate not just successes, but courageous attempts and lessons learned

What About You?

Think about a time when someone guided you well through a challenge—when they didn’t do the work for you, but helped you discover your own capabilities.

What made their approach effective? How did it change your confidence moving forward?

How might you apply those same principles with your team this week?

Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear your experience.

Take care,

Josh

Turning Conflict into Connection in Hospitality Leadership

Wed, 02 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

At one point in his career, Marshall Rosenberg was invited to mediate peace talks in a war-torn country. The region had suffered years of tribal violence.

Going into the room, what did Rosenberg do?

He asked a simple question to one of the warlords:

There was silence.

Then, slowly, the man replied—not with a demand, but with a feeling:

That moment changed everything. The room shifted from accusations to listening. Others began sharing what they were needing—safety, recognition, justice. The language of demands gave way to the language of human needs.

Conflict is unavoidable in hospitality, whether it’s with a guest, a team member, or even an owner. But how we handle it makes all the difference.

The key? Approaching issues as something to solve together—not battles to win.

That’s where Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) framework comes in.

The Power of Nonviolent Communication

NVC helps us express needs without blame and listen without defensiveness. Instead of reacting emotionally, it breaks conversations into four simple steps:

Observation – What happened? Just the facts, no judgment.
Feeling – How did it make you feel? (Not what you think about it—what you felt.)
Need– What underlying value or need is at play?
Request – What’s a clear, actionable request that moves things forward?

For example, instead of saying:

❌ “You’re always late to your shift. It’s disrespectful to the team.”

Try:

✅ “I noticed you were late the past three days (observation). It makes me feel stressed (feeling) because I need reliability in scheduling (need). Would you be open to setting a plan to ensure you arrive on time? (request)”

“I noticed you were late the past three days (observation). It makes me feel stressed (feeling) because I need reliability in scheduling (need). Would you be open to setting a plan to ensure you arrive on time? (request)”

The “Side-by-Side” Approach

Imagine conflict as art on a wall rather than a tug-of-war. Instead of standing against the person, stand _beside_them and look at the problem together.

A guest is angry? Acknowledge their frustration and shift the focus to solutions.
A team member is defensive? Get curious. Ask open-ended questions instead of making assumptions.
An owner is pushing unrealistic goals? Find common ground before pushing back.

Bringing It Back to Leadership

Hospitality thrives on human connection. The better we communicate—especially in conflict—the stronger our teams, guest relationships, and results will be.

Nonviolent Communication isn’t about avoiding hard conversations. It’s about making those conversations work.

What About You?

Think about a recent disagreement. Did you focus more on the problem or the person?

How would your leadership change if you framed conflicts as shared challenges instead of personal attacks?
What’s one small change you can make today to communicate with more clarity and empathy?

Take care,

Josh

The Secret to Handling Difficult Guests (Without Losing Your Cool)

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I’m sitting next to my older sister on a warm and sunny Saturday. The next time I look at her, she’s screaming and shaking her fist. She’s yelling at people in ways that I didn’t know she could yell.

It’s only been a few months since I’ve seen her, but this is an entirely different human than I’ve known growing up. This is also my first time to visit her at school and join her at a Texas A&M football game.

At the time, I didn’t realize that people experience the world through different value systems. And in certain environments, those systems shift. And under stress, those systems shift—sometimes dramatically.

That’s where Spiral Dynamics comes in.

The Spiral of Human Behavior

Spiral Dynamics, a framework pioneered by Clare Graves, Don Beck, and Ken Wilber, maps how people think, process, and react based on their experiences and environment.

Here’s the kicker: When people are under stress, they often regress to a more primal level of thinking.

Imagine a guest who is usually easygoing (operating in an advanced problem-solving mode) but suddenly becomes combative when their reservation gets lost.

Or a team member who is typically collaborative but starts shutting down under pressure. That’s the Spiral in action.

Here’s what that means for you:

Some guests are in survival mode. They’re not being “difficult” on purpose; they’re operating from a place of stress. Your job? Meet them there. Slow things down. Offer solutions with reassurance.
Your team isn’t wired like you. Some employees thrive on structure, others on independence. Some process through logic, others through emotion. Understanding their ‘operating system’ helps you lead effectively.
Your own mindset matters. When you feel defensive, pause. Ask yourself: Am I reacting to their frustration, or am I taking this personally? That shift alone changes the game.

Bringing It Back to Leadership

Great leadership isn’t about getting people to see things your way—it’s about seeing where they are and helping them from that point.

Whether it’s a guest at check-in or a staff member navigating a tough moment, your ability to recognize their mental state and adjust your approach is what sets exceptional leaders apart.

What About You?

Think about a recent guest or team interaction. Were they reacting from a place of stress or confidence?

Have you ever misread someone’s reaction, only to realize later it wasn’t about you at all?
How can you better adapt to meet people where they are—without compromising your own leadership values?

Hit reply and let me know your thoughts—I’d love to hear from you.

Take care,

Josh

Why Your Team Thinks, Feels, and Acts So Differently

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I sat in my 4Runner in the parking garage, scrolling through my first team survey results as a manager. I had expected some areas to improve on, but one word in the comments rose to the surface and stayed there:

“Aloof”

I wasn’t sure how to process it. I cared deeply about my team. How could they not see that? I felt misunderstood and, if I’m honest, like I wasn’t good enough.

At the time, I didn’t have the language to make sense of it. But now, I see it through the lens of the Enneagram.

My natural tendency is to lead with my heart—deep emotions, personal meaning, a desire for authenticity. But some of the team were looking for something else: more outward engagement and structured communication.

That disconnect—between how we experience the world ourselves and how others do—shows up in leadership all the time.

The Three Centers of Intelligence

At its core, the Enneagram divides human intelligence into three centers:

Head (Thinking) – Logic-driven, future-oriented, seeks security and understanding
Heart (Feeling) – Emotion-driven, relational, seeks validation and connection
Gut (Instinctive) – Action-driven, decisive, seeks autonomy and control

Every person leans on one center more than the others, and we all suppress one as well. That imbalance can impact how we process feedback, handle stress, and approach challenges.

Why This Matters in Hospitality Leadership

When you understand how someone processes the world, you can lead them more effectively. Here’s how:

Head typesneed clarity, logic, and reassurance before making a move. If they seem hesitant, they may be overanalyzing. Instead of pushing them to “just act,” try asking: “What additional information would help you feel more confident?”
Heart types need emotional buy-in before committing. If they seem disengaged, they may not feel valued. Instead of assuming they lack motivation, try asking: “How does this align with what matters to you?”
Gut types trust their instincts and value control. If they resist direction, they may feel constrained. Instead of micromanaging, try asking: “What do you think is the best way to move forward?”

Head types -“What additional information would help you feel more confident?”

Heart types -“How does this align with what matters to you?”

Gut types -“What do you think is the best way to move forward?”

Bringing it Back to Leadership

A great leader doesn’t just tell people what to do—they help people see their own path forward. When you recognize someone’s dominant intelligence center and ask the right questions, you’re not just managing them; you’re unlocking their potential.

What About You?

Do you tend to process decisions through your head, heart, or gut?

Think about someone on your team who frustrates you. Could it be that they’re filtering the world differently than you?
How can you adjust your leadership approach to meet people where they are?

Hit reply and let me know your thoughts—I’d love to hear your perspective.

Take care,

Josh

Beyond 'Fine': The Power of Emotional Vocabulary in Hospitality

Wed, 12 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

How often do we hear guests say they’re just ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ when we know there’s more to their story?

Have you ever noticed how many of us describe our feelings with a limited set of words—happy, sad, angry, or fine?

In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown shares a story about a group of veterans struggling with reintegration into civilian life. Many of them described their emotions in simplistic terms, often defaulting to “I’m just pissed off” or “I’m fine.” – sound familiar?

She found that as she helped the veterans expand their emotional vocabulary—learning to distinguish between frustration, grief, disappointment, resentment, or anxiety—they were able to articulate what they were actually experiencing. This began to help them feel seen and understood, rather than isolated in their struggles.

The Power of Understanding

When I first started managing people, I thought being a good leader meant having all the answers. But over time, I’ve learned that true leadership – especially in hospitality – is about understanding the questions beneath the questions, the feelings beneath the words.

Think about your last difficult guest interaction. Maybe someone was “frustrated” about their room not being ready. But what if they were actually feeling:

Betrayed because they trusted us with their special occasion?
Disrespected because they felt their time wasn’t valued?
Embarrassed because they had to explain the delay to their family?

Each of these emotions tells a different story and requires a different response from us as leaders.

Learning a New Language

Recently, I’ve been introducing our teams to something called the Feeling Wheel. Picture it like the “Wheel of Fortune”, but instead of prizes, it maps out a whole spectrum of different emotions.

At the center of the wheel, you have basic feelings like “bad” or “sad.” But as you move outward, you discover more specific emotions – “frustrated,” “betrayed,” “disrespected,” “embarrassed.”

This isn’t just an academic exercise. It can be a practical tool that helps us:

Understand what our guests are really experiencing
Support our team members more effectively
Process our own reactions to challenging situations

The Real Work of Hospitality

When we expand our emotional vocabulary, we expand our capacity to serve. It’s like upgrading from a basic tool kit to a master craftsman’s collection – suddenly, we have the right tool for every situation.

But there’s something even more powerful. When we take the time to truly understand what others are feeling, we create space for real connection.

And isn’t that what hospitality is really about?

A Practice to Try

Next time you’re facing a difficult situation – whether with a guest or team member – pause before reacting.

Ask yourself:

What might they be feeling beyond the obvious emotion?
What words could help me understand their experience better?
How might this understanding change my response?

This simple practice can transform some of your most challenging guest interactions into opportunities for deeper connection and understanding.

What About You?

I’m curious – what emotions do you find yourself defaulting to most often? What might be underneath those default responses?

Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear your perspective.

Take care,

Josh

How Fear Is Holding Your Team Back From Success

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

We’ve all heard of Pavlov and his dogs, but today, I’d like to introduce you to Wolpe and his cats—and why his work matters more than ever.

In the mid-20th century, Joseph Wolpe was on a mission to understand fear. At the time, psychology was dominated by two schools of thought:

Freudian psychoanalysis, which believed fears were buried in the unconscious, and
Early behaviorism, which saw fear as a conditioned response but offered little hope for reversing it.

Wolpe wasn’t convinced by either.

During World War II, he worked with soldiers suffering from what we now call PTSD. They weren’t just anxious; they were trapped in their fears, unable to function.

Back then, the options were bleak—avoidance, sedation, or hospitalization. So Wolpe took a different approach.

He started with cats.

In his experiments, he found that fear could be unlearned just as it was learned. Instead of forcing exposure (which often made things worse) or ignoring the fear (which reinforced it), he introduced a method called systematic desensitization—a process where fear is gradually replaced with calm.

Wolpe’s approach transformed therapy and became the foundation of modern exposure therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

Fear and Leadership in Hospitality

Why does this matter to us as leaders in hospitality?

Because fear still traps many of us.

Our guests arrive carrying stress from their lives. Our teams work under intense pressure while also navigating their own uncertainty and self-doubt.

Underneath so many of our struggles are deeper fears:

The fear of being defective
The fear of being unwanted
The fear of having no personal significance
The fear of being incapable
The fear of being controlled by others
The fear of separation

But here’s what Wolpe’s work teaches us: **The way through fear isn’t avoidance—it’s gradual exposure.**And this is where we, as leaders, have a powerful role to play. Hospitality is more than rooms and service and revenue—it’s about creating spaces where people feel safe.

A great hotel, team, and leader all have the ability to set people at ease, to help them know they are cared for, to remind them that there is nothing to be afraid of.

When we do that, something incredible happens:

Our guests can relax from their stress and enjoy the present moment.
Our teams can feel confident enough to take new steps in their growth.
We create an environment where people don’t just operate—they come alive.

Whether it’s reassuring a nervous team member, handling a guest’s concern with care, or leading through uncertainty, the most powerful leaders in hospitality are ones who make others feel safe enough to step forward into something new.

Your Turn

Joseph Campbell says “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”

What’s one “cave” you’ve been avoiding? What conversation, decision, or challenge have you been putting off because it feels scary?

Reply and let me know.

Take care,

Josh

Beyond Guest Desires: Understanding Your Own

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was twelve years old when my dad and I pulled up to an empty field in our restored 1957 Willys Jeep pickup truck.

We’d spent months bringing that old truck back to life, scrounging through junkyards for parts, learning how each piece fit together.

When we parked in the field, my dad pulled the lawnmower from the truck bed, turned to me, and said, “It’s time for you to learn how to drive this thing.”

He gave me a quick rundown of how the clutch worked in our four-speed manual, handed over the keys, and then just walked away to mow the field to prepare for a family picnic.

That was it. No detailed instructions, no hovering presence. Just a manual transmission, and the challenge to figure it out.

Looking back now, I realize this moment wasn’t just about learning to drive – it was about my dad passing on what he valued most: independence and the conviction that there’s nothing you can’t figure out. These values became part of who I am, shaping what I want and how I approach challenges.

Are your wants your own?

Here’s something fascinating about our wants and desires: they’re rarely formed in isolation.

Think about it – you’re more likely to envy your neighbor’s new car than Jeff Bezos’s yacht. Why? Because it feels within reach, it’s in your immediate environment, it feels possible.

This is what philosopher René Girard called “mimetic desire” – our tendency to want things simply because others around us want them.

It’s like being in middle school again (remember those days?), trying on different identities like clothes – baggy jeans one week, preppy look the next – not because they truly resonated with who you were, but because that’s what others were doing.

The Leadership Challenge

In hospitality, this understanding of desire and influence becomes crucial. As leaders, we’re not just managing operations – we’re navigating a complex web of wants, needs, and unspoken desires.

That tension you feel in a difficult conversation with a team member? Often it stems from unmet needs that haven’t been voiced.

But here’s where it gets interesting: Just as we’re influenced by our environment, we also shape it.

**Just as we’re influenced by our environment, we also shape it.**As a leader in hospitality, you have the unique opportunity to influence what others want. You can help people want things that are good for them, that align with their values, that contribute to their growth.

Strengthening Your Roots

You can’t observe an organism separate from its environment – these words from philosopher Alan Watts remind us how interconnected we all are.

But this doesn’t mean we’re destined to be leaves blown by whatever wind is blowing. We have a choice.

When you stand strong in who you are and what you value, it becomes contagious. Your clarity and authenticity create a gravitational pull that influences others. But the opposite is also true – if you’re unclear about what you truly want, you’ll find yourself easily swayed by whatever desires happen to be floating around you.

So which will you be – the influenced or the influencer?

The real question isn’t just about what you want – it’s about how you can align your wants with your values so that you’re making an effort toward what you really care about.

This alignment is what allows you to create space for your authentic self to emerge, and in turn, helps you lead others where they actually want to go.

Take care,

Josh

Finding Your True North: The Power of Personal Values

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I recently led our new hires through an exercise to identify their core values. As we went around the room sharing our stories, something interesting came up – we each had different values and different stories on how we came to those values.

Yet there was this deep level of understanding and connection together. We didn’t have the same top values. And I think that actually drew us closer to each other.

When you think about most company values, everyone is often being pushed to value the same things. But I think there’s so much more power when you do your work in a way that is aligned with what you personally value.

The Challenge of Knowing What We Value

But there is a problem with this. Most of us can’t list our core values.

We might have inherited some from our families, picked up others through hard experiences, or discovered some through moments of clarity. But when we’re asked to name them, we often struggle.

Why does this matter?

Because when we know our values well, they can act like a compass – they can guide our decisions, shape our boundaries, and increase the impact we have on others.

During this new-hire exercise, one of our team members shared a powerful metaphor: Think about your yard.

**Think about your yard.**You know exactly where your property line is. You’d be upset if a neighbor started planting flowers in your yard without permission. Yet when it comes to our time, energy, and emotional boundaries, we often let others cross our lines simply because we haven’t clearly defined them.

Finding Your Values

Here’s the simple exercise we did that you might find helpful:

Write down 10 values that resonate with you
Force yourself to narrow it to 5. And describe why these five mean something to you.
Finally, identify your top 3 values from that list.

The goal isn’t to dismiss the importance of other values, but to recognize which ones are truly core to who you are. These become your “true north” – helping you navigate decisions, set boundaries, and live with greater intention.

Making Values Practical

When you’re clear on your values, you can:

Make decisions that align with what matters most to you
Set boundaries with confidence
Communicate your “why” to others
Build deeper, more authentic relationships

Think about it this way:

Every time you say “yes” to something that doesn’t align with your values, you give away a little piece of yourself. But when you make choices aligned with your core values, your sense of self grows stronger.

Take a moment today to reflect:

What are your core values? What experiences shaped them? How might being clearer about them change the way you lead and live?

Take care,

Josh

The Art of Self-Preservation in Hospitality

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed how many of us in hospitality are natural caregivers? It’s what draws us to this work – this inherent desire to serve others, to make their days better, to create experiences that matter. But there’s an art to taking care of others without losing yourself in the process.

I learned this lesson early in my career at a Fortune 500 hotel brand, when I was suddenly put in charge of our executive escalations team – twelve people handling our most challenging customer situations. I remember my first case. My boss is congratulating me on this new role. And as he’s about to leave my office, he says:

A guest had an awful experience and emailed the CEO. This was something that couldn’t simply be fixed with points or a room upgrade. When I got on that call, I was terrified. But what I learned in that moment shaped my entire approach to leadership: the importance of finding solid ground within yourself before trying to help others.

Two Paths to Losing Yourself

In my years of leadership, I’ve observed two ways people typically lose themselves in service-oriented roles:

Self-Sacrificing Server

First, there’s what I call the “Self-Sacrificing Server.” Like a candle burning itself out completely, these individuals serve and serve until they have no energy left to give. They’re the ones working double shifts, never saying no, always putting everyone else first – until there’s nothing left of themselves to give.

Desensitized Executive

Then there’s the “Desensitized Executive.” These are the ones who, in pursuit of success or advancement, start turning off internal “breakers” – their compassion, their values, their authentic selves. “I’m going to do whatever it takes,” they say, as they systematically disconnect from what makes them human.

Practical Application

Let me share how this played out in my first escalation assignment. Instead of diving into the problem or making grand promises, I chose to:
1. Listen first, without taking it personally.
2. Acknowledge the weight of the situation without getting pulled into the emotional current.
3. Focus on two things:- What we could do to prevent this from happening to anyone else?- How we could genuinely apologize (not “make it right” – because sometimes you can’t)?

This approach wasn’t just about solving problems – it was about maintaining that crucial space between empathy and self-responsibility. It allowed me to be present for this customer while staying grounded in myself.

Finding Your Space

Here’s what I’ve learned:
**Taking care of others isn’t about smoothing everything over.**Sometimes, the most caring thing you can do is be intentional, forthright, and clear while maintaining your own boundaries.

Think about a great server at a restaurant. Their confidence and self-assurance actually puts you at ease while they’re taking care of you. That’s because they understand this balance – they’re present without hovering, attentive without losing themselves.

What About You?

Take a moment today to reflect: Are you burning out like a candle? Have you turned off some internal breakers to cope? What would it look like to find that space between – where both you and those you serve can thrive?

Take care,

Josh

Unlock the Power of Just Enough Support

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve been reflecting on how often I see hotel teams running on fumes—trying to deliver those magical guest experiences without feeling truly supported themselves.

It’s made me curious about how we, as leaders, can strike a balance where our teams feel safe, energized, and genuinely cared for.

Finding the Sweet Spot

One image that keeps coming to mind is the distance between planetary orbits. Too close, and they collide; too far, and there’s no gravitational pull. Somewhere in between is a sweet spot that allows everything to thrive—both in space and in hospitality.

It’s like there’s a space between coddling and neglect. And real care (and real growth) happens in that space.

When I was at Hilton, our inherited team initially had some of the lowest engagement scores in the company. Rather than jumping into quick fixes, we took time to listen. We met new hires over coffee instead of diving straight into details, and we created “Genius Day,” inviting everyone to turn their concerns into creative solutions.

These small changes led to a much deeper sense of trust and connection.

Giving Your People Space

I’ve also come to see how important it is to align early on what matters most—being present, supportive, and attentive to the people you lead. But over time, as confidence grows, offering more freedom can inspire true ownership.

This aligns with Daniel Pink’s research on motivation:

_once people are paid fairly, the real drivers become autonomy, mastery, and purpose._When people have the space to make decisions, feel they’re growing, and know their work has meaning, they naturally bring their best selves forward.

What About You?

I’d love to hear your take:

Have you ever found that sweet spot between giving your team the support they need and letting them stretch their wings? What did that look like for you, and what changed as a result?

If you feel like sharing, just hit reply—I’m always keen to learn from other perspectives.

Take care,

-Josh

Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

A few years ago, my best friend David, an ER Doctor, reached a breaking point. Burned out from the work, he quit his job, sold his house and moved to a farmhouse in Floyd, Virginia, with no clear plan. Just a deep need to reconnect with himself.

His story is a powerful reminder of a fundamental truth in hospitality and in life: Before we can truly care for others, we must first care for ourselves. It’s not just about self-care, but about self-understanding.

Aristotle says, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” And to take it a step further, the Hebrew wisdom to “love your neighbor as yourself” reveals a powerful insight: genuine care for others starts with care for yourself.

For me, this self-knowledge comes down to three critical questions:

Who are you?
What do you want?
What do you value?

These questions have no final answers. They keep you seeking. They can be roots that ground us and give us strength to serve others.

Who are you?

I’ve been thinking about a question that keeps coming up in my conversations with hospitality leaders:

*Who are you when you strip away your title?*It reminds me of this ancient koan that asks, “What was your face like before you were born?” It’s asking about who you are at your core, beyond being a manager, leader, or hospitality professional.

This hits close to home in our industry. We’re natural servants, drawn to taking care of others. But sometimes, this beautiful instinct can lead us down a path where we lose ourselves.

What do you want?

This brings me to a fascinating insight from philosopher Harry Frankfurt: “We’ve lost the ability to want what we want to want.” In other words, we’re often just copying what others want instead of understanding our own true desires.

I’ve been experimenting with this lately. Sometimes I’ll fast from different things – sugar, technology, anything that might create false signals of desire. It’s remarkable how these “wants” become less compelling once you step away from them.

Morgan Housel, author of The Psychology of Money, once wrote to his son:
When you see someone driving a nice car, you probably don’t think, “Wow, that person is cool.” Instead, you think, “Wow, if I had that car people would think I’m cool.” Do you see the irony? No one cares about the guy in the car. Have fun; buy some nice stuff. But realize that what people are really after is respect, and humility will ultimately gain you more of it than vanity.*Let me share a personal example. I just turned 40, and my son Jack just turned 13. As I thought about him growing up, I heard this voice in my head say, “you’ve always wanted to run 100 miles.” Without overthinking it, I signed up for an ultra-marathon. Why? Because I want my son to know that we can do hard things. That’s a desire aligned with my values.

What do you value?

I’ve learned that when I make decisions aligned with my core values, my sense of self grows stronger. My roots grow deeper. Think of it like the difference between a candle slowly dripping away versus a furnace that’s constantly fed. When your choices align with your values, you’re adding fuel to the fire that keeps others warm.

Our values influence what we think, say, and do. But many of us have never taken the time to sit down and actually define what we claim to value. We go through lives on auto pilot and spin the roulette wheel whenever we face a decision.

Your capacity to care for others grows from this place of self-understanding. It’s not about being selfish – it’s about being self-aware enough to serve from a place of fullness rather than depletion.

David’s journey reminds me that stepping back isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. He’s always been there for me during my most challenging moments offering genuine presence and care.

In Antifragile, Nassim Taleb distinguishes between a candle and a fire. A candle flickers and dies easily, consuming itself. A fire grows stronger. David chose to feed his fire.

What about you?

What do you think is getting in the way of you serving others with genuine presence and care?

Reply and let me know.

Take care,

-Josh

Hospitality is a Higher Calling

Wed, 22 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

You have to admit, there’s something special about ending up in the hotel business.

Ask anyone how they got here, and you’ll usually hear a story that starts with, “Funny you should ask…”

I have a friend who grew up with parents in the hotel business. He left home to study pre-med at Duke and aced the MCATs, only to realize too late the sight of blood made him queasy. He got an MBA and worked as a consultant at a top firm for a while, but couldn’t resist the pull of hospitality.

He’s a hotel owner now.

Even though the hotel business isn’t the job most plan for, when the good ones find it, they don’t ever leave. It’s like a calling from above that finds you.

How did I get here?

I grew up as the son of a pastor. As a kid, I even thought I’d become a pastor one day. I went to college, studied theology, became the president of our student body and graduated at the top of my class.

I had a problem though… on graduation day, I didn’t feel like a good fit for the job. I wasn’t up for the calling. So I walked away from it.

I then stumbled through banking and an MBA, to find myself in a grey cubicle at the Hilton office in Dallas. During orientation, I heard a recording of Conrad Hilton’s speech about “spreading the light and warmth of hospitality.”

I didn’t think it was significant at the time, but I now see that a light switched on inside of me. I wanted to live out this concept of hospitality.

If you don’t know, the word hospitality comes from Latin “hospes” which means both host and guest… On this one ancient word, principles have been built for thousands of years on how to welcome guests. How to treat the traveler coming through town. How to take care of others.

What a fascinating thing. An industry that’s optimized entirely around the concept of caring well for others.

Looking back on the last 16 years of my life, I can see I’ve been building my life and business on this core principle of taking care of others.

I found my higher calling.

Where it’s taken me

A few years after hearing Conrad’s speech, I found myself responsible for a couple hundred Revenue Managers at Hilton. My friend Chris and I built this business from the ground up in just a few short years. We’d all cram into a small conference room every Friday, and I’d use my pastoral training to give a little talk on the important work we were doing, and how it was making an impact in real people’s lives.

Those years were incredibly special. We became one of the largest and most engaged teams in the company. I was even honored to officiate two different weddings of Directors on my team.

In 2017, I then had the chance to be responsible for the customer service team of over 1,500 people. As I walk in on day one, I’m ushered into a dimly lit U-shaped conference room for a detailed two-hour meeting that happens every week.

We’d review the critical metrics required to run that business effectively. I began to carve out fifteen minutes in the beginning of that meeting to talk about customer stories from the week before. To connect the metrics to the customer. To keep us connected with our purpose.

And then in 2020, the world fell apart in our industry. I’ve heard it estimated that over 4 million people lost their jobs in the hospitality sector that year in the US alone.

As I pull into my driveway with a week’s worth of groceries, my friend Chris calls me. We talk about how many amazing people that have dedicated decades toward caring for hotels just lost their jobs overnight.

And we decide to pull folks together and start a hotel revenue management company in the worst possible time the industry has ever seen.

We founded a hotel revenue management company when there was no revenue to manage. Fast forward 4 years and we have 24 team members supporting over 400 hotels across the world. Our key underlying value for our company

Take care of each other.

This principle of “taking care” has been integral to our success during a challenging time that broke many other brands. We are grateful to be here and working in our calling.

What’s your calling?

Your story is how you share your purpose with others, especially your team. When you understand the importance of your story, you’re better able to grasp and authentically hear your people’s stories.

So, I’m curious…

Stop, take a second, and think about your calling. What got you into your first hospitality job? What is it that keeps you here? And why do you keep coming back each week?

Reply and let me know.

Take care,

-Josh